


Roll Away Your Stone

by NeverAndAlways



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Gen, M/M, Memories, Mpreg, Not Beta Read, Past Mpreg, Pregnant Dean, Sad Dean, Sad with a Happy Ending, Short One Shot, Stillbirth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 18:58:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8172418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeverAndAlways/pseuds/NeverAndAlways
Summary: Apparently I write sad things when I'm overtired and have listened to too much Mumford and Sons. Apologies in advance.Sort of a prequel to this: http://archiveofourown.org/works/7206578/chapters/16352048





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey. You. Yeah, you. Stop right there. Check the tags before you go any further, okay?

The motel room ceiling is cracked and graying and splattered with water stains. Dean traces the patterns with his eyes, more or less resigned to the fact that he won't be sleeping tonight. This insomnia is gonna drive him crazy. Across the room, the TV flickers soundlessly. Like all motel TV's, it seems to be stuck in an endless loop of re-runs.

Dean turns his head to one side. Past his mound of pillows, he can see Sam on the other bed, still fast asleep. The nightstand clock reads 1:53. Dean turns his attention back to the ceiling.

His mind wanders. For a while he thinks about the case: logistics, strategy, cleanup. Further down, the baby wakes up and starts kickboxing, and his thoughts turn to that instead. Before long, a memory bobs to the surface. It's not a pleasant one. In fact, it's one he's tried very hard to bury. But that's always how it goes, isn't it, when you can't sleep - all the negative thoughts come out in force. He's almost glad when the baby starts getting the hiccups and he has to change positions. He massages his belly and murmurs to it in the darkness.

"Chill out, kiddo. You're not goin' anywhere for a while yet."

A movement next to him. A quiet voice says "Dean?"

Dean turns over as much as he's able. Cas is sitting up in bed with a book in his lap. He doesn't often sleep, but he likes to keep Dean and Sam company through the night.

"Hey Cas."

Cas closes his book with a soft _fwup_. "How long have you been awake?"

"A while. Just thinking."

"Hm." the angel seems to ponder a moment. Then he lies down and scoots over, face-to-face with Dean. "Thinking about anything in particular?"

This makes Dean hesitate. He pulls his gaze away from Cas', staring through the angel and past him. Cas notices. He always does. He cups Dean's jaw with one hand, dragging his gaze back.

"Dean. What is it?"

Dean's voice is rough-edged. "...Did I ever tell you about Denver?"

Cas frowns. "The city?"

"No. No, this is..." Dean hesitates again. His hand moves to his belly, where the baby is now quiet. "it happened before me an' Sam met you. Way before. But this, uh...this isn't my first rodeo."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"The baby, Cas. 's not my first."

Recognition dawns on the angel's face."You've been pregnant before?" he sounds almost disbelieving.

"...Yeah."

"When? Where is the child?"

"I'm gettin' there." Dean sighs and shuts his eyes for a moment. "Jesus, I don't even know why I'm telling you this..."

"You don't have to."

"I want to."

Cas falls silent, but his eyes search Dean's face as though they can somehow absorb the story from him.

Dean finds his words again after a few minutes. "So. This was...about five years before you came on scene. Maybe six. I don't remember how old I was. Young enough to do stupid shit without thinking. I, uh...I met up with this guy at a bar, and...me an' him had a motel room to ourselves that night. Didn't even get his name." he speaks haltingly, like this is something he's never said before. "And I was just drunk and stupid enough to think I was invincible. Condom never even left my pocket." he laughs bitterly, low against the pillow. "And then, surprise surprise, guess who got knocked up."

Dean pauses again. His gaze still goes right through Cas. "It was kinda nice, actually." he muses. It felt good to have something to care for. They got by, him and Sam. Like they always did. Stolen motel room pillows, drug store prenatal vitamins - sometimes bought, sometimes slipped discreetly into a pocket - and even the occasional checkup. They got pretty good at convincing urgent care doctors of the whole 'nervous young couple' routine. He remembers how happy he felt at seeing his belly grow, knowing that that was his baby in there.

"And you continued to hunt?" asks Cas, a little incredulous.

"For six months." there's a note of pride in Dean's voice that quickly fades. He turns his head away. "...and then we got a case with a shapeshifter. Son of a bitch killed almost a dozen people before we got to it. Banged us around too, before we managed to gank it...my water broke in the middle of the fight. I'd probably been in labor for a while already and didn't notice." he has to stop again for a minute. This memory is always the sharpest. This is the one he's tried so hard to bury. "I, uh..." his voice cracks; he clears his throat. "Ended up giving birth in the backseat of the Impala. In the motel parking lot. Didn't even make it to the room." he laughs humorlessly. God, it's still so clear. He can still see it. Blood on the seats, the streetlamp outside, Sam cheering him on. Flashbulb memory. He has too many of those.

Cas is still staring at him, with concern in his blue eyes. He's figured it out. "What happened to the child?" he asks quietly.

The rest of the memory comes all in a rush. When he opens his mouth, the words come in fits and starts. "It was a girl. She was so tiny. There was nothing we could do. The cord was around her neck, and she was too little." he draws a shaky breath. "She never even cried."

The silence stretches out for an eternity. It occurs to Dean that his cheeks are wet. He doesn't try to stop it.

Cas eventually speaks up. "I'm so sorry."

"Cas, she was perfect." Dean says thickly. "She was perfect, and I didn't-"

"I know. I'm sorry. I know." somehow Cas turns Dean over so they're facing each other again. He moves closer, almost nose to nose. He kisses Dean, gently. One hand cards through Dean's hair. He doesn't know what else to do.

"...We buried her." says Dean after a while. His voice is wrecked. "Just outside Denver."

"Hence the name."

"Yeah." he swallows hard. "I visit her. When I can." there's a long pause. The baby aims a swift uppercut to his ribs; he rubs the spot to soothe it. "Cas, what if it happens again?" he asks. He sounds small and scared, so unlike himself.

"It won't." Cas says firmly. "Sam and I will make sure you are safe. You and the baby."

"But-"

"No. No buts. We will not let anything harm you. I promise." Cas kisses Dean again. Once on his lips, then on his forehead. Then he brings their foreheads together. "Try to sleep, Dean. You and the baby both need rest."

The angel watches until Dean's eyes slide shut. He waits until the hunter's breathing slows and evens out. And he doesn't move.

When Sam wakes at dawn, that's how he finds them: tangled up in each other, feet twined together, Dean's belly pressed up against Cas' stomach. Both of them asleep. Sam smiles, and writes a quick note before he leaves.

oOo 

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked the story, please leave a comment - I'd love to hear from you!


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